So it’s fine not to like selling as a job. To be listless, sailing haphazardly from one idea to the next as to what to do to solve my lack of passion, lack of inspiration, lack of power. As long as I’m still doing the basics.
But I’m not, today I have achieved little but the worst thing is I haven’t really tried to. I’ve made a few calls set up a few meetings and I’m off to a networking do where I will undoubtedly find fresh prospects and opportunities. I haven’t spent my day nose to the grindstone, I’ve eked by doing the bare minimum.
This would actually not be an issue if I did it with a smile as I spent my time in some other pursuit. It’s just time wasting feeling guilty that I’m not giving a six figure performance on a minimum wage salary for what I do.
That’s damaging. Undervaluing yourself, backing myself to succeed on a competitive level at the expense of a reasonable salary. I have created long term opportunities, started conversations that will lead to “big deals” but my day to day performance is poor. I’m just not passionate about this and it feels like I am now lying to myself, not being the person I want to be.
Honest, intelligent, hardworking, helping others. That’s what I want people to see in me but I can’t see it in myself anymore. There’s too much stress and bullshit in the way. It feels like the hardest task possible, to find a job I enjoy.
A friend said today that he never imagined he would be an accountant he just became one to work with the people he liked. I told him how unfulfilled I felt. That I’m sad I haven’t split the atom or cured cancer yet and a this rate I never will so my mid (late) life crisis is to come to terms with that.
Jobs that appeal at the moment are…. kayaking (making, paddling whatever), writing, woodworking, gardening, inventing. I am not good enough at any to make a living from any of them but living isn’t good enough without them in my life.
Our everyday job existence is that these should occupy a tiny portion of our weekend as, hobbies. I am bored of making other people money to pay into their retirement funds.
Age quod agis…. basically whatever you do, do it well. I like that as a maxim but I do feel that I am falling short. I’m tired of this shit and doing the best I can constantly up to recent history has taken its toll. I’m exhausted and I just want to enjoy what I do for a change.
I’m an ideas man, which is a kind of selling, but my ideas always stretch far beyond the scope of moneymaking.
Come on eureka, give me a sign, a purpose, a war to fight. I have to fight this boredom or it will leave me vacant, my lights are dim, I need to get fired up about something….
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